“Yeh Khamoshi…” by Ashika ‘Tanha’ duly transcreated
Yeh khamoshi badi duur tak saath chali,
Dilke sumsaam kone mein katra katra gali,
Tere saathka sannata kuchh apna-sa tha,
Na jaane kyon woh ek pal sapna-sa tha,
Khaalipan mein pyar karna lazmi-sa hota hai,
Saans-ka ana jana teri tasbee-sa hota hai,
Tu mil kar na mil, gavaara hai humdum,
Teri yaad ka ek pal bhi zindagi hai sanam.
(c) Ashika ‘Tanha’
Transcreated in English :
This silence trudged along too far with us,
It dripped drop by drop into a deserted corner of my heart,
With you even your silence seemed as if mine,
Don’t know why that single moment was almost a dream,
In stretches of emptiness, to fall in love is nearly mandatory,
My breathing tends to become a litany of your name,
It’s fine with me if you meet me but remain absent,
One memory of yours is like an entire lifetime, love.
(c) Max Babi
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Bravo, Max, on the new site — and fresh start with transcreation, a process which also (perforce) involves your interesting selection of poems. Unable to read the original, I’m not in a good position to comment on the overall work here. The English poem reads interestingly, with a string of direct and sharp thoughts — as one wishes in such poems.
Am writing in a bit of haste (from Bodhgaya, where internet cafe is about to close). About the opening two lines, my hunch about the grammar — or my sense of English grammar — suggests this poss. minor tweak to consider, if you wish:
This silence [has] trudged along too far with us,
It [has] dripped drop by drop into a deserted corner of my heart,
/ / /
Looking forward to more!
d.i.
This is a hypnotic poem of longing and absence, which evokes the impossibility of fullfillment of the speaker that is in a sense a better recompense (the souvenir over the experience) than the full presence of the beloved, since human consciousness is in a sense conditioned by its insatiable desire.
amazing. stirs a million thoughts. i feel like saying “genuis.” give us more.