Angurke Baghaanki Hariyali Ud Chali…
Angurke baghaanki hariyali
ud chali -ek thakaa-sa sannaata
zorotalbi kasé baitha hai.
Ankh milaao toh phati ankhsé
ghoorta hai, aur tavaarikhke bhaddé
ghair-insaafki musalsal jhalkian
dikhlata hai.
Kuchh yunh taktaa hai jaisé mainé hii
apné dimaaghsé baarbaar vaar karké
uski maasoom dunia ujaad di ho.
Khaufsé dil laraz jata hai-
kahin inn sukhi belon-ki sumsaam
bastiko zubaan phoot nikli toh…..
Meri kitaabon mein har labz saabunké
bulbuléki nimat phat jaega.
Chup rahunga mein sadion tak.
(c) Max Babi
Transcreation in English :
Greenery Of Vineyards Has Fled
an almost tired silence sits exercising
an ironclad reign.
If you look at it, well, it stares right back
and flashes myriad instances of ugly
injustice.
It stares as if I only have, with mental strokes,
reduced its innocent world to an arid patch
My world quakes with abject fear
lest this world of dried up vines sprout a tongue
Every word in my books would burst
like a soap-bubble.
I would fall silent for centuries.
(c) Max Babi
Hello Max, I love the Urdu version, it’s so phonetic. Can imagine you reading it aloud. I also like the use of the vines. It’s a strong image. And the way you have used it with loneliness.
There are a few mistakes I noticed, so am pointing those out to you.
basti ko – basti ki
Greenery – The greenery (just feel this sounds better)
I only have – I myself have (only have makes it very Indian English usage, which is fine if you want it like that, but I think it doesn’t fit in with the purity of your tone)
sprout a tongue – sprouts a tongue
Cheers.
Hi Batul,
Many thanks for the editing.
I strongly feel ‘basti-ko’ is perfect, though in some parts of India they may say basti-ki zubaan….
Your comments on the ‘Indianisms’ in English are welcome, and I will incorporate them. I sometimes use them knowingly but you are right, out here they are a little unsuited considering the purity of tone in general.
Thanks for spending time here. I hope to see you again.
Warmest
Max